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Maybe you would like to commission me! (I write books and articles and essays and one time a novelty poem for a paper company. I like to mix it up.)
Or maybe you would like to praise me!
Luckily, I love being both paid and praised, so both are welcome. (Please don't write to me to yell at me because I am doing my best, and I will almost certainly get it done in the end, I am sorry, I also wish I wasn't like this.)
(Yes, I have a Twitter account. You can see it up there at the top. I am to Twitter as Norma Desmond is to Hollywood: when I return it is briefly and tragically in an ancient motor-car and hoping to regain my lost youth. Do not DM me and hope I see it. I will not see it until it is too late. My flatmate changed my password; and giving up Twitter and coffee changed my life and now I don't have panic attacks any more. I KNOW. I wish it were different, also, because I used to be funny on the internet and now I just post pictures of the river. This is terrible for all of us, except that I hear that Twitter now is mainly fascists and yelling, so maybe it's better this way? Anyway I am on Instagram.)